@lawyerthoughts: If you see me in court you'd think I was furiously taking notes, but 9 times out of 10, I'm usually drawing a t-rex eating a witness.
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@KeetPotato: [interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] "are you shy now" not really
@d_duhwit: Scientist: Your bear/owl hybrid has escaped. Me: Dont worry. I put a gps collar on it Scientest: So u can.. Me: Track my bowl movements, yes
@Mikecanrant: 1) Open a Kinkos style office supply store in Bel Air 2) Name it Fresh Prints 3) Make millions 4) Move to West Philadelphia