@caliluvgirl77: If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work.
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@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.
@geowizzacist: My 3yo: Help I dropped a coin in the toilet come and get it out. Me (looks): I can't see anything in there. 3: That's because I flushed.
@Schmoodles: I dress up as a Girl Scout for my boyfriend, but just so we can practice our elaborate cookie heist.