@PaperWash: If you tell me having a dog is the same as having a kid then I'm going to assume you yell at your dog to keep his pants on at Wal-Mart.
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@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
@Sassafrantz: Every Thanksgiving I say my boyfriend broke up with me so my family lets me overeat without shame.
@stephenjmolloy: <enter password> ikilledaman <password must contain a number> *7 hours later* ikilled2men
@BlindChow: WIFE: why is the dog wearing a tux? ME: u said to groom him WIFE: i meant brush ME: oh…sorry buddy, wedding's off DOG: this is bullshit