@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
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@Playing_Dad: Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Me: I didn't know there was going to be a test at the end.
@markleggett: My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
@SlickestOfRicks: "Maybe connect two monocles together? Pretty good idea. I have to write this down." - the guy that invented the pen
@ArfMeasures: *watches Planet Of The Apes* Ugh it's so unrealistic that dumb creatures would rule the planet *watches the news* Oh