@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
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@One_FineMess: 4yo: What happened to the fish? Me: It drowned. 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: Must have been a really stupid fish.
@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?
@13spencer: [Office] Secretary: Mr. Grey will see you now. Anastasia Steele: I have a ridiculous name.