@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
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@MasterOfFury: Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing.
@mylifesuckers: My kids just connected worlds in Minecraft. So now they can fight in a virtual universe too.
@TravLeBlanc: Women aren't that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
@TheSomeGuyShow: If you walk in on a girl giving birth in the bathroom at Applebees, don't judge her, you're also eating at Applebees.