@T4dyce: If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
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@Turbo_Jimmy: *Wife thumps door* "I KNOW UR IN THERE! U BLEW OUR SAVINGS ON A SHITTY INVENTION, DIDN'T U?!" NO! *furiously flushes 1000s of dog-tampons*
@AndyAsAdjective: [SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away] [scientist decodes message in the signal] "enough…with…the…Harambe…jokes"
@TheRolo: You guys talk about sex like it's so great. I had sex once and she made me take off my jean jacket. Just not worth it.