@TheCatWhisprer: If you thought you had a rough night, my toddler couldn't wear an oven mitt to bed.
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@Reverend_Scott: [several months ago] BEYONCÉ: Kim Kardashian might be having a 3RD baby JAY-Z: How many we got BEYONCÉ: One JAY-Z: Not a problem
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: baby, I want to turn eucalyptYOU & eucalyptME into eucalyptUS HER: you don’t flirt much, do you? ME: I do not
@CrackYouWhip: I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.
@tiffanyaneal: *checks kid's backpack* *finds papers from September and a liquefied banana* *zips backpack and walks away*