@TheCatWhisprer: If you thought you had a rough night, my toddler couldn't wear an oven mitt to bed.
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@LuvPug: A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her
@Rachelnoise: Chemistry, ok. But soulmates? You'd think if our spirits were perfectly matched, they'd be comfortable at the same thermostat setting.
@DanMentos: "do you know why I pulled one over on you?" becau- wait what? "I'm not a real cop lol" haha nice! *pulls gun* "I am taking your car though"
@MikeDrucker: Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.