Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?– How to annoy an Avenger when you’re on a road trip.
You Might Also Like
“My wife and I decided we don’t want to have kids.”
“But…don’t you already have 2?”
“Yeah.”
Dear Lord,
Thank you for these noodles I’m about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!
“Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” would be a better show if the only contestants were billionaires.
maybe my dad is at the other end of this cvs receipt
15 wants his new GF over for dinner Sunday. I’m going to make spaghetti & watch them try to eat it gracefully. Free entertainment!
May you never experience disappointment like that of finding unmelted cheese on the second layer of nachos
sometimes work CAN be fun, like reading through a long, complicated email and realizing you have zero responsibility for it so you can immediately forward to the person that does while laughing
Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??
What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?
me as a new nurse trying to help out in a code
The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home I have 458 ducks
2020 caught us wishing we could cancel our plans so it made us smoke an entire carton of canceling our plans
It’s my birthday eve, when Birthday Claus comes down the chimney and leaves me three additional wrinkles, two new mysterious body aches, and a skin tag.
[making out after date]
Her: Should we go back to your place?
Me: *kisses her* …I’m not ready for you to meet my parents yet
How can anyone focus on world peace when we can’t even get everyone to use the same date format?
I wish you were here with me baby
So you can close the curtains and let the dog out, I don’t wanna get up
A group of teenagers is called a suspicion.
Welcome to your late 20’s, you may choose a hobby from the list below.
1. Do Crossfit
2. Make child
Saw a standup duo last night. One totally died on stage. The other killed. Actually, now I think about it, it might have been a cage fight.
interviewer: it says here u jump to conclusions
me: so I’m hired?
[Looking out the window]
Me: I don’t understand this show.
In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
OPTIMUS PRIME: This is just because I’m also a car. I want to be clear, you being inside me is not sexual for me.
ME: Okay but you saying it that way every time makes me feel like it might be.
My dad’s shop teacher cut off another finger while demonstrating how he accidentally cut off the first one. It reminds of the second time I got married.
The name’s Bondjamesbond. James Bondjamesbond.
You can make so much more soup if you use your washing machine.
[Lori Loughlin trial]
JUDGE: Does the defence have any witnesses?
LAWYER: We’d like to call Jesse Katsopolis
JUDGE: Isn’t he a fictional character?
LAWYER: Yes, your honor
JUDGE: Is he just gonna act hunky and say, “Have Mercy”?
LAWYER: Yes, your honor
JUDGE: I’ll allow it
2035: EVERY CELEBRITY HAS EXPRESSED AN AWFUL OPINION. THE ONLY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SMALL CAT…UNTIL ONE DAY, IT CLEARLY MEOWS “HITLER”
Gollum had a pretty sweet setup for a while. Cave where no one bothers him. Cool item to look at in his cave