@omgthatspunny: If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient.
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@JermHimselfish: I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.
@TheBoydP: I wished I loved anything as much as my wife loves inspecting the pots and pans I wash by hand.
@Book_Krazy: [interview] HIM: What are your strengths? ME: Well, I can see dead people. HIM: Wow, interesting. Any hobbies? ME: Grave digging
@InternetHippo: FARMER: The storm destroyed half our crops TRUMP: Have you thought about taking the existing crops and just sort of combing them over th