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@omgthatspunny: If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient.
@Poutymcgee: Friend: *passes me her newborn baby*
Me: What is this clothed potato and why have you given it to me?
@Swishergirl24: Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?
@Darlainky: If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend's page.
@sbellelauren: the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing
@DowntownFunk_: I'm from the 80's. We ate cookies instead of deleting them.