@Cali_Kid_Mike: If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order.
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@TravLeBlanc: Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis.
@bridger_w: I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson
@totalwackjob: My sex life has improved so much I'm thinking of asking someone else to join me...