@Cali_Kid_Mike: If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order.
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@ValeeGrrl: 6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU 8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass.
@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.
@AndyAsAdjective: WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real