@gingerfaced: if you want a woman to settle down with you be a cat
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@skittle624: *watching Hoarders Wow. How crazy, I think, as I open my drawer to reveal 12 of my favorite mascaras.
@FredPollack: Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand.
@copymama: [My 8yo looking for something] OMG WHERE IS IT IT’S GONE FOREVER WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT I’LL NEVER FIND IT WHERE COULD IT BE MY LIFE IS RUINED WHYYYYYYY—oh, here it is.