@SomthinBoutSara: If you want me to save a horse and ride a cowboy, you better spare a tree and eat a beaver.
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@Pro_Jones_: (Job Interview) Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I'm unemployed. I: How about something personal? Me: Personally I need a job.
@Jake_Vig: [engineer looking at blueprints] "Well, here's your problem right here. You built this thing on rock and roll."
@stuckinaportal: [mastercard commercial] "there are some things that money can't buy" politician: i don't get it
@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated