@AlisonAgosti: If you want to catch a bus you have to *think* like a bus.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@callie_cakes: Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509
@TheMichaelRock: I hate when my wife says "GO WAIT IN THE CAR" because I'm not sure if she's talking to me or the kids.
@swisherr_tweet: How to be a white girl: 1.) Get a frappuccino from Starbucks 2.) take a picture drinking it 3.) Instagram it 4.) hash tag 'summerrrrrrrrr'
@blood_orphan: I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude's grasp on the English language was, like... twelveuous.