@awescar: If you want to hide a gift for your husband, just put it in the pantry with one thing in front of it.
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@lovemydogduck: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
@TheRealNickKay: WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: what’s going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven’t had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing