@joshgondelman: If you want to rob a white person, just say: "Stop, collaborate, and listen," then steal their stuff while they rap the rest of the song.
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@brennadine: Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
@noog: *notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*
@ThisOneSayz: *orders large pizza* *opens box* "Let's do this...wait" "Safety first," I whisper as I unbutton my jeans.