@TFriss: If you watch Harry Potter backwards, Voldemort is really good at zapping people back to life and turning Harry into a baby.
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@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter
@ericsshadow: One time I fell off a 20ft ladder, then climbed right back up and jumped off a second time to show that ladder who's in charge.
@iamspacegirl: ME *traps wasp under a cup* MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME *appears & sets down 2 more cups* ME: no MAGICIAN GHOST *starts to shuffle them*
@theshamingofjay: What is everyone writing songs about? John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus