@krishna_van: If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch '50 Shades Of Grey' or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?
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@hashtagyolo11: BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?
@MehrangizC: That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..
@pauleggleston: 'Hello Microsoft support, what's the nature of the problem?' 'Eggshell' 'Eggshell??' 'Yesh' 'Oh hello again Mr Connery. Spreadsheet issues?'
@RunwayDan: At any given time, I know more about the whereabouts of my Amazon packages than I do any member of my extended family.