@KalvinMacleod: If you would have told me 20 years ago that I'd be posting stupid jokes on the internet, I would have said what's an internet.
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@DaddyJew: I'll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese "So you want a cheeseburger?" Yes but when you bring it to me say here's your salad
@sageboggs: GARY JOHNSON: let me debate, i wanna debate, lemme lemme MODERATOR: FINE! how will you deal with big banks JOHNSON: like...river banks, or
@CornOnTheGoblin: good cop: we've located the explosives cop who loves eminem: now this looks like a bomb to me so everybody / stay calm for me
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I think it's weird how President Obama appointed George Clooney Secretary Of Handsome. #DNC