@jackie_ibbyxo: If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed.
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@crunchenhanced: Has anyone else noticed that since the invention of the smart phone, bathroom stall graffiti was moved to Twitter?
@ozzyunc: "I want to get drunk in public." "Me too but on pancake batter." "If only there was a way to solve both problems." -The Origin of Eggnog
@AlexRogaski: [God making African animals] Screw it. Just put stripes on a horse, make that water lizard really big, and put spots on a really tall deer.
@OuterJohn: When people do a bunny impression they go straight for the cute little front paws. Not me. I fearfully sprint into traffic.