@jackie_ibbyxo: If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed.
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@House_Feminist: 1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store
@JediGigi: To avoid another embarrassing moment like when I was stood up on prom night, I always keep at least 1 penguin around.
@dumbbeezie: When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?" -people without kids "Do you have to poop?" -people with kids