@BigHeb7: If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can't be left alone with your best looking cousin.
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@aka_fatman: Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald's burgers! Hamburgler's Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect.
@illiter8too: Me: Choose a mate who loves & respects their mom, but isn't overly dependent on her. Lady: These are 4th graders- Me: THEY NEED TO KNOW THIS
@Jmboyd58: Jesus take the wheel...let the clutch out easy [car dies] Wow, water to wine but no manual transmission Jesus: Don't test my mercy
@nerdyjewishgirl: Re: global warming and the cold weather "Liberals keep telling me the Titanic is sinking but my side of the ship is 500 feet in the air."