@BigHeb7: If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can't be left alone with your best looking cousin.
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@DanMentos: [signing birth certificate] wife: you put Owen, right? me: yup nurse: Now we'll just need a footprint from little [reading] "Owned"
@massive_images: Dad: "So what are you going to do after you graduate?" Me: "well, mom said we'll probably go out somewhere to eat"