@BigHeb7: If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can't be left alone with your best looking cousin.
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@TheBoydP: "I'm too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time" ~Management
@neiltyson: After several Steven Segal films in a row, you'd think bad guys would know to avoid rooms that contain both him & a PoolTable
@XplodingUnicorn: My daughter's school was closed for fog. Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & the principal would be like "2-hour delay"
@KalvinMacleod: HUSBAND 911: what your emergency? ME: my wife hears everything HUSBAND 911: do I? ME: what? HUSBAND 911: what?