@BigHeb7: If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can't be left alone with your best looking cousin.
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@SortaBad: Waterskiing is fun. I wish there were more sports where machines just dragged you around
@PrincessAlexx_: Sending 17 text messages explaining why you're not crazy seems a little counterintuitive.
@PopSlapFunk: Arrhythmia, blocked arteries, leaky valves, "Hey, I found you on Twitter" and other things that will suddenly stop your heart.
@FatherWithTwins: My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I'm wondering if I should have married her instead.