@Lexxivy: If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell "what about the baby!" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes
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@B_poling82: Cop: Have you been drinking? Me: *sips beer Cop: That was stupid. Me: So was your question.
@NikatNiteNite: Why are there never any cool side affects from drugs? Like "this drug may cause severe sexiness"
@CheetoBandito77: I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard.