@Lexxivy: If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell "what about the baby!" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes
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@KyleMcDowell86: [WOLF CUB] Dad, why do we howl at the moon? [WOLF DAD] Well son, the moon is made of cheese and that's rad as hell
@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!
@mrtruthandsoul: My daughter wants a pony and my wife wants a new dishwasher, so I'm compromising and buying them a goat.