@briangaar: If your cat is your "child," I bet its "grandparents" are "sad"
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@iamspacegirl: [after blowing out all the candles on my cake] him: Did you wish for world peace again? me: haha of course. *A WILD SQUIRTLE APPEARS*
@Brianhopecomedy: My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn't even come close to my 5 year old's reaction when I told him that there's no school today.
@lecalabara: I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of my eye, but half the time if theres anything in my eye its a damn eyelash.
@bigmacher: Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.