@briangaar: If your cat is your "child," I bet its "grandparents" are "sad"
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@batkaren: [orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?
@DanKCharnley: No matter what meal it is, always say you had "brunch" so people know how much better than them you are.
@jazmasta: Who called it confronting ur husband Stanley about flirty texts from a girl named Rebecca from a former soviet state and not Who'sbeckystan?
@Paxochka: It's cute how alcohol comes in a paper bag so when you hit rock bottom you have something to hyperventilate into.