@kyle_thatisall: If your girl says "Hey guess what!" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Prank caller: Is your refrigerator running? Me: Of course. Can't have these bodies at room temperature
@Brampersandon_: ADELE: hello from the outside ME (closing blinds): a restraining order means nothing to that woman
@jctwritesstuff: *has argument with husband* *brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011* *adds "Historian" to bio*