@kyle_thatisall: If your girl says "Hey guess what!" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next.
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@NoogsCorner: Cop: Have you been drinking sir? Me: Medium Double Quarter Pounder meal please. Cop: Step out of the vehicle. Me: Sprite.
@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
@Barknado69: [Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird
@MrSandeepP: I dont't want to die a virgin because that means I'll have to have sex with terrorists.