@kyle_thatisall: If your girl says "Hey guess what!" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next.
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@gruffybeard: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I'm scared. I *gasp* can't *gasp* breathe *gasp* again! 911: Sir, for the last time, unbutton your pants.
@JohnLyonTweets: House arrest? Your Honor, if anyone is going to be punished here it should be me. My house has done nothing wrong.
@robfee: The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.