@Boleyngirly: If your jokes are corny I'm all ears.
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@TheMichaelRock: Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn't have to? [flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors] Me: Yeah, I'm sweet like that.
@useful_wagon: Of course I swallow it's a basic function of eating. What kind of job interview is this anyway and why are there multiple cameras
@trojansauce: *in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i'll see you ladies inside
@Parkerlawyer: I got a message on Facebook that said, "Your a lawyer, right?" Me, "*You're." May have lost a new client but they learned something today.