@noog: If your kid's shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.
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@i_zzzzzz: GIRL: There are these two black holes that collided & released more energy than a trillion stars ME: Damn that sucks. I would never do that
@Karate_Horse: [loud speaker] "Hi shoppers I see a lot of confused guys with mustaches. we've moved the Hawaiian shirt section next to the pleated jorts"
@IAmMikeFeeney: "Excellent choice, sir. And what temperature would you like me to microwave your steak to?" - The Honest Applebees Server
@skinnyfrittata: A kid asked me how babies are made so I panicked and said “3D printers” because no one has ever explained it to me either