@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.
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@nojeshua: I'm no fan of Smokey the Bear. He's just the first step on the slippery slope to vigilantism.
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
@Reverend_Scott: Throwing pregnancy tests into the shopping carts of random couples at Walmart is the only silver lining in my day.