@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.
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@SleazySli: I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
@Reverend_Scott: COP: Know why I stopped you? MAN IN A RESTAURANT EATING FRIED CHICKEN: Huh? COP: You're using a knife and fork. Step away from the chicken
@InigoUnleashed: 'Your place or mine?' Is the sexiest response to the question: 'Where shall we bury the body?'