@markleggett: If your rice accidentally gets wet, you can dry it out overnight by placing it in a bowl of cellphones.
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@upsidedowntrash: Satan: welcome to your own hell where… me: is it hot in here or is it just me ;) Satan:…everyones a comedian. me: haha i just like to keep it light. Satan: no, [gesturing around] EVERYones a comedian. me: oh god
@joeljeffrey: I waited around all morning for the mailman so I could grab his hand through the mail slot.
@mrjohndarby: [1st date] Her: So, tell me about yourself Me: Well, I've got a black belt- Her: Oh! Me: ...and *looking down*.. brown shoes, gray socks...