@bridger_w: If you're behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
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@jergarl: I walked out naked one time and she's like wtf. And I'm like this is how god made me! And she's like no that's how beer and tacos made you.
@IntrepidDeviant: What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?
@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.