@SortaBad: If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable.
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@NuclearBavarian: A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
@lisaxy424: me: I ONLY GOT 3 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I FEEL GREAT MY BODY HAS FINALLY LEARNED TO EFFECTIVELY AND EFFICIENTLY USE ENERGY me, 4 minutes later: o god i am dying
@BoomBoomBetty: Selfie attempt: come hither look Selfie result: looks like I'm staring into a sandstorm
@thebabylady7: 2003: I am going to be the best mom ever. 2017: My kids will probably need therapy because of me.