@SortaBad: If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable.
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@VerifiedDrunk: 2 Beers = 1 Tweet 5 Beers = 3 Tweets 9 Beers = 7 Tweets 12 Beers = 12 Tweets 24 Teers = 30 Beets
@joejwest: ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments