@TheClingyGF: If you're not cheating on me, then why won't you let me install surveillance cameras in your house.
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@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof
@WilliamRodgers: I "accidentally" washed my cellphone once, and my wife has never let me do laundry again.... Yeah Accident
@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.