@Losephine: If you're reading this fortune cookie, I am being held at the Golden Dragon Dumpling Outlet against my will. Send help.
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@TheBoydP: I had a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal for the first time in a long time last weekend. The roof of my mouth should be healed in a few days.
@LivibelsDada: You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.