@juliussharpe: If you're still undecided on a certain tattoo, try it out first on your baby.
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@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He's in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!
@Donna_McCoy: I'm not leaving a will. My final act will be giving my family one more thing to fight about.
@wettbutt: uh oh we better all stand up for the old man in the dress who bangs a tiny hammer down or he might decide that we have to live in a cage
@philYama: If losing a debate, end a sentence with "see what I did there?". As your opponent tries to figure it out, hit them with closest blunt object