@bazecraze: If you're thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat.
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@jakob_huber: Hi, I'd like to order a baby "Excuse me?" It says here you deliver babies? "Sir this is a hospital" [vampire quickly hangs up phone]
@AverageClo: Why do people say "To be frank..." when they're about to be brutally honest? WHAT IF FRANK LIED!? WHAT IF I WANT TO BE MARLENE!?
@RobDenBleyker: Someone please help me with my pope resume, so far all I have is "I look fantastic in large hats."