@bazecraze: If you're thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat.
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@Dawn_M_: Look sad dragging a kite on the ground at the park and sometimes people will let you join their picnic.
@MikeCanRant: A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
@Parentpains: Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.
@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly