@13spencer: If you're walking down the street and see a teenager, don't panic; just yell "One Direction selfie twerk" and slip away in the confusion.
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@hero_ofthenight: If I worked at Starbucks I'd pull a Napoleon Dynamite every time. "I see you're drinking 2%, is that because you think you're fat?"
@Darlainky: Poker is a game of pretending you've got something better than you really do. Poker sounds a lot like my marriage.
@slimmy_shady: Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting.
@Ideal_Victoria: Date: Sing me something Me: ♫ Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeee ♫ *banner plane flies by with “we should see other people”