@13spencer: If you're walking down the street and see a teenager, don't panic; just yell "One Direction selfie twerk" and slip away in the confusion.
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@SardonicTart: [Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment.
@LoriLuvsShoes: When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun
@rebrafsim: [pet store] Me: do you have any marmosets? Clerk: no we don’t sell— Me: okay, just one marmo then