@WhatevaConc: If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street.
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@Kendragarden: My neighbor said "nice skirt" so I said, "thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime."
@JayUhOh: Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.
@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.