@Sally5977: If you’re wondering at what age you’ll stop messing up your life know that it’s not 40 and apparently not 50 either.
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@DomesticGoddss: Just showed my 4 yo niece that I can still do a cartwheel and now she is showing me where the ice packs are.
@themiltron: [first day as a server] me: how would u like your steak person: well done me: thank you that's so kind it's my first day & i'm very nervous
@ShaneKnowsStuff: Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don't know what I'm gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It's a mystery
@mjkspeaks: ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn’t what i meant