@garrettbarry70: Accidentally changed neighbor to neighbour and now I'm saying stuff like "bloody hell" and "brilliant"

@jonnysun: [taking atendance] teacher: jimmy jimmy: here teacher: susie susie: here teacher: (sighs) omnipresemt sentinel omnipresent sentinel: ａｌｗａｙｓ

@OBiiieeee: i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing

@jwoodham: DATING TIP: When your crush texts you, win them over by playing hard to get. Throw your phone in a river. Change your name. Move to Belgium.

@anotherbecky429: Nothing like the dreaded "Mom I missed the bus" text to get you up and moving.