@HatfieldAnne: If you've ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: 50 years ago, nerds were smart. Now a nerd is just someone who likes Star Wars and eats a lot of cereal.
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@behindyourback: 11:30pm is the time each night when I ask myself the ancient question of the universe: what if I just ate everything