@SCBamaMan: I'll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!
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@TheGladStork: Computer: Do you trust this device? Me: Why? Is there something you're not telling me?
@Jeffwni: [The Justice League on patrol] Superman: Wait! I smell something fishy… Batman:*chuckles* Aquaman: Know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home
@FrankCurtisB: When a lady leaves an article of clothing at my place, I do the gentlemanly thing and put it on and parade around the house looking pretty.
@JohnLyonTweets: -Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. -He has sex with fish? -He's dead. -I'm not surprised. Having sex with fish doesn't sound very safe.