@TheWriteStuff2u: I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.
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@DistractedMomma: Remember, you are faster and trickier than they are. - Me, to myself, when I'm fighting a kid at the playground for the last swing.
@kelownagoose: Fun game: Select all of your Snapchat contacts and send them a text that says... "Wow...Are you sure that was for me?" And wait.
@funnyfries: I just met a woman who told me she had "trouble keeping weight on" in times of stress. I ate her.