@TheWriteStuff2u: I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.
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@KeetPotato: dude at house party: "anybody here wanna bone?" girl: "ew" girl 2: "no way" girl 3: "never" dog: "i am very interested in your offer"
@squirrel74wkgn: If you see a man running down the street tonight, blowing a whistle & wearing a life guard shirt...don't worry, I'm just chasing my dream.
@roostermustache: Obama:*sits down and whoopee cushion makes fart noise* what th- JOE Biden:*tears in his eyes, points at trump* HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE
@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.