@rickolantern: I'll bet when two cannibals get trapped in an elevator going to lunch, around the fifth minute, things start getting a little weird.
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@rolldiggity: When your date asks about your hobbies, DON'T grab her table knife in a napkin and say, "Collecting knives with strangers' prints on them."
@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
@JohnLyonTweets: My sports-obsessed ex-wife didn't ask me for a divorce. She told me she was trading me for a player to be named later.
@Floatersfinest: If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can't afford 3) Periods 4) Men