@envydatropic: I'll bring a knife to a knife fight because I have common sense. Idiots.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I really hope that people are staring at me because they think I'm pretty and not because I slipped on ice and into a parked car.
@GoldenSpirals: He told me I was the "bee's knees". I believe I merit being compared to something more like a lemur's femur. Who doesn't love Zoboomafoo?
@elle91: Shift the power at family gatherings by telling older relatives you didn't recognize them because they've gotten so big.
@BoutCrazed: "I'm frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat" is what I said. "You're also gonna be helping me move my piano" is what I meant.