@_correctomundo: I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I need a scarf. Me: No, you don't. 3: To tie up bad guys. She needs a scarf.
@Shanomenonandon: WHISKERS: There's nothing there. Go ahead. BLIND PERSON: *Steps off cliff* WHISKERS: Technically ^-- why we don't have seeing-eye cats
@Midgetspar: If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days.
@MAngelo505: My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line.