@Dawn_M_: I'll date any guy that can digest a seagull faster than me.
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@RdrJay47: Trainer: Why do you want to learn jujitsu? Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.
@TheAlexP: Rapunzel is my favorite story about a girl who would do anything to have her hair pulled.
@lasergirl70: Friend "Listen to this. I had wine delivered the other night and I ended up having sex with the delivery guy" Me "There's WINE delivery?"
@seanmoriartyMV: My boss: "Sean, what do you know about Twitter?" Me: "nothing. Why? What have you heard?"