@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!
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@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do
@mikejanson2: 5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*
@angeliav68: Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a little bit then give up and go look for food..