@Joe_Schmuck: "I'll Knock You Into Next Week" have black mothers invented time travel? Details at 11. #ABCReports
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@_wangwe: Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.
@therealeatwood: Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter, accept it. Embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
@EJGomez: guy: my dog just died girl who studied abroad: wow that reminds of this one time in Europe i saw a dog
@InternetHippo: GOD: I designed this world with a purpose, why did u change everything PEOPLE: We— [pug walks by] GOD: What…the HELL…is that