@mrtruthandsoul: I'll play duck-duck-goose and give all gooses. I don't give a duck.
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@MollySneed: [puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]
@iwearaonesie: wife: know what today is? me: yep wife: on 2 together: 1, 2 wife: Happy Anniver.. me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL.. wife:..sary me: wife: me: ..Santa
@RegularFred: Man dies after body rejects sleeveless Metallica shirt because he didn't have a barbed wire tattoo.
@murrman5: [senses date is losing interest in me] "my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"