@iLikeCatShirts: I'll sleep when I'm dead but also every night so I don't die.
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@caperbc75: Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has "rehydration specialist" listed on his LinkedIn profile?
@juneohara65: 5 year old niece to me: What do you want to be when you grow up? Me: Let's not rush things, OK?
@blade_funner: Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I'd just go to prison.
@lwhit_the_boss: I hate double standards. If a baby crawls around, it's "adorable," but if I do, I'm "causing a disturbance" and "need to leave"? Whatever.