@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.
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@JohnLyonTweets: "Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures," I mutter after each rabies shot.
@Adar79Angie: When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet? I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."
@iRowlf: A haunted house that has a room where a bunch of women ask you "Notice anything different about my hair?"
@B1gBrainsMcGee: I'm like Helen of Troy. Not in the sense of being breathtakingly beautiful, but in the sense of pissing people off and starting wars