@squirrel74wkgn: I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Café with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by.
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@mjkspeaks: Maybe Jehovah's Witnesses keep knock knock knocking because they're looking for Heaven's Door. You don't know.
@YesItsAl: My daughter knows what a meth lab is thanks to an episode of The Simpsons. At least that's what I had to tell child services just now.
@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.