@LunchJournals: "I'm a big fan of 50 cent. Or as he's known in Zimbabwe: four hundred million dollars."
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@ddrwg: All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream.
@JermHimselfish: When a Honda Element crashes into another Honda Element it becomes a Honda Compound.
@Marlebean: Husband: You cut your hair! Me: ... H: It looks good! I like it! ... Me: I cut my hair 3 weeks ago.
@decentbirthday: *dancing with the stars* *all of a sudden there's a fault in our stars* me(to stars): what the hell guys? we practiced this! *star wars*