@LunchJournals: "I'm a big fan of 50 cent. Or as he's known in Zimbabwe: four hundred million dollars."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.
@notacroc: ME: we can do this GOOGLE SMART CAR: we can't clear the bridge ME: *mashes 'im feeling lucky' button*
@GinAndJif: I vacuumed up a giant spider, so now I just have to leave the hoover running for the rest of my life so it can't get out again.